I think I have the answer...
I never thought it would come to this, but I have got to do what I have got to do...
It's been a good year for me. I got a big raise in January. All my bills are paid on time. I even have a little extra left over. I should have thought of this a month ago.
To the Detroit Tigers team. I will give you all exactly $3 if you win the series against the Yankees. That's right, $3. 60% of $5. Each.
This is your time to shine. You are too good a team to not win any series since the All-Star Break. It is time you play up to your potential and make the other teams in the American League take notice. Winning a series against the Yankees would put you in touch with them, keep you in the race, and give you the much needed confidence that you need to get you to a winning September where you can pass the Indians and make the playoffs.
Because of this series' importance, I am willing to give you the aforementioned payoff. I am not just going to pay who plays however, I am willing to give every player on the 40-man roster the same amount of money. That means, the recently sent down Zach Miner, the lately-injured Gary Sheffield and the team-carrying Magglio Ordonez get the same amount.
That's right, $3. For each of you, and all you have to do is win three of four.
I'm not asking for a sweep, but if you do, I feel I should sweeten the pot. If you sweep the Yankees in this weekend's four game series, I will raise the pot 66% to each of you by giving you $5 each. That includes Vance Wilson, Edward Campusano, Kenny Rogers and the rest of the disabled list. That includes Cameron Maybin who will basically be getting a dollar for every major league hit he has totalled to this point.
How can you not get up for this series now. You have the chance to make three to five dollars. Each. Spend it how you will. Curtis Granderson, make that a Double Big Mac. Gary Sheffield, buy another ringer (or two) for your i-phone. Pudge Rodriguez, buy some glasses so you can see the strike zone when batting. The point is: get whatever you want with this money. It's yours to keep. With a sweep, I will even extend the payout to Craig Monroe, and he can buy a drink on the plane to Chicago.
All it comes down to is win and win now. There is no time to wait, you are falling out of the race by the week. A sweep against the Yankees and other teams will know not to mess with the Detroit Tigers. Conjur up the ghosts of Gehringer and Greenberg. Get some Cochrane in ya! Do whatever it takes to win some games, and I will reciprocate. $3 each for a series win. $5 each for a sweep. A split gets you nothing.
And if you lose the series, maybe you can hook me up...
